Playing Dumb
by Teri
Summary: How many people suspect that Jack is smarter than he lets on? The rest of SG-1 & Janet are starting to suspect, too. Well, perhaps people will know for sure once they meet his Aunt Rose from St. Olaf, Minnesota. Crossover with the Golden Girls.
1. Operation Playing Dumb

**Playing Dumb  
**_A Stargate:SG-1 / Golden Girls Crossover _  
by Teri

Summary: How many people suspect that Jack is smarter than he lets on? The rest of SG-1 is starting to suspect, too. Well, perhaps people will know for sure once they meet his Aunt Rose from St. Olaf, Minnesota. (Crossover with the Golden Girls.)

Disclaimer: I am not associated with the owners or creators of either Golden Girls or Stargate. I wish I were.

* * *

Jack was bored. Jack was very bored and stuck on base. Considering his circumstances, he had three options to relieve his boredom. He could do something productive, an option that was summarily dismissed. He could go annoy Daniel or he could bug Carter. So his choice was Daniel or Carter, Carter or Daniel, it was actually a hard choice. However, Daniel seemed to be growing immune to him. Actually, he had taken to ignoring Jack altogether if he were busy. So, Carter won. It didn't hurt that she was much prettier to look at than Daniel was too.

So Jack was strolling down the hall towards Carter's lab. He rounded the corner and started to walk right in. He stopped. Some instinct halted him outside of the door. Carter had company in her office. He stood for a moment debating whether to interrupt and cause trouble or resort to his back-up plan. He decided to mind his own business and go bug Daniel.

Well, that was until he heard Daniel's voice in the lab exclaim, "Jack? You have got to be kidding?"

All thoughts of privacy went out the window. Carter and Daniel were talking about him. His birthday was six months away, so no ruining a surprise party. They were talking about him and he had learned early you were only hurt by what you didn't know. So, he managed to crack the door just a hair so he could listen better. He quickly realized that Janet Fraiser and Teal'c were also present at this "let's talk about Jack" conversation.

"No, I'm not kidding." Carter responded.

"He was the first one to figure out that Cassandra was using electromagnetic energy to move the chess pieces around when she was sick." Janet reminded them.

"Well, I was worried about her." Jack defended in his mind. "What has that got to do with anything?"

"Right," Carter agreed with Janet. "He was also the first person to realize that Major Boyd and SG-10 had walked right into the onset of a black whole. He also knew what hard water was. He understood the quasi-Mayan language that Daniel's grandfather's giant aliens spoke AND the last time the gate was under direct attack and the computer systems were locked. He actually helped get them back on-line."

"Hey, there were very reasonable reasons for your favorite dumb colonel to know these things." Jack thought to himself as he listened to the litany of instances where he had inadvertently proven that he had more than one brain cell.

"It was also O'Neill that studied and recorded the solar flares when we were sent to the past." Teal'c reminded them.

"Yeah, well you know I like astronomy. Now, that has never been a secret." Jack answered the accusation in his mind.

"Yeah, well you know he likes astronomy. That has never been a secret." Daniel argued.

"Good man." Jack smiled.

Sam just stared at Daniel with an incredulous look. The same look he was getting from Janet. Even Teal'c looked at him, one eyebrow raised in question. Daniel relented. "Fine, I guess a roof top observatory is hardly just a hobby. I still think he uses it to look at the neighbors."

Jack just rolled his eyes.

"I always wondered how the Colonel knew how to build the power boost into the Gate after the ancient download." Janet wondered aloud.

"Hello, Ancient in my head." Jack wanted to scream.

"Hello, Ancient download in his head." Daniel unwittingly mimicked Jack.

"I know that, Daniel. But isn't Earth technology different than Ancient?" Janet asked.

Sam nodded.

"I own several books on the creation and development of the Hubble telescope because of a project Cassie did. Having access to the information doesn't mean I could build one myself."

"I'm not following you." Daniel commented.

"Me either," Jack thought.

"Okay, Sam owns cook books. Doesn't mean she can cook. No offense. Just because you have the information available doesn't mean you have the skills to use and apply it." Janet tried to explain.

Daniel just looked wide-eyed as he understood the point. Even Sam who had started this conversation seemed to take the news with surprise.

"You can't hold me accountable for that. I was under an alien influence!" Jack was amazed they were reading so much into his actions.

"O'Neill, is a superb tactician."

"Thanks, T. Back at you." Jack smiled slightly. "Finally, a statement good for this old soldier."

"One does not acquire these skills without an agile mind."

They all nodded.

"Oh, for . . . "

"So, we are all agreed. The Colonel is smarter than he lets on?" Janet asked. The members of the room nodded while Jack stood outside of the door shaking his head no.

"What's Jack's formal education?" Daniel asked.

"Classified. Even with my clearance, I haven't been able to access it through official channels." Sam confessed.

Daniel knew her well, however, and asked again, "and unofficially?"

Sam smiled a moment. "Well, I did a little better."

"Oh?" Jack moved a little closer to the door.

"He has a MA in Modern Strategy from the Academy. He was also enrolled in a Ph.D. program, but it seems to be highly classified. I can't get at the records." Sam confessed.

"So now what now?" Janet asked.

"Good question, Doc." Jack agreed.

"Colonel?"

Jack jumped up hearing the voice behind him to see Sgt. Davis standing behind him.

"Are you okay, Sir?"

"Ah," Jack glanced about for a moment. "I just dropped my pen." He reached down and picked a pen off the floor.

"Oh, sorry Sir." Davis said as he left.

As soon as he was out of sight, Jack again leaned close to the door.

"So we are all agreed?" Sam asked.

"Agreed on WHAT?" Jack hoped they would summarize.

"Ah, what do we do if Jack starts to realize something is up?" Daniel asked.

"I don't think he will, but if he does we will have to play it by ear." Sam decided.

Jack heard sounds like they were all getting up and decided to make himself scarce, retreating back to his office.

He wasn't sure what to do. The seemed to be starting to figure out that there was more to Jack O'Neill than meets the eye. Oh, he wasn't what they seemed to think. He was no closet genius with 1500 advanced degrees hiding under his pillow ("actually there were 1499", he thought sarcastically), but he might not be quite as dumb as he let people think. He'd played smart and he'd played dumb in his life. He found playing dumb gave him an advantage. It was a survival technique. One he wasn't ready to let go of yet. He trusted these people, probably more than he had ever trusted anyone. More importantly he would have trusted them with Charlie. Still, he wasn't ready yet to bring that kind of change to his life.

He'd play up the dumb thing a little more, but he knew when it was important he wouldn't play dumb. He never had before and would never knowingly put his team in jeopardy. He needed another way to enforce the message that he wasn't more than he seemed. Of course, the next question was how?

He decided some Jell-O was just what he needed to sort this out and headed to the mess.

A little while later he was sitting there eating his Jell-O, mulling over his predicament, when two young female airmen sat at the next table. They were talking loudly and he couldn't help but hear bits of their conversation.

"Katie is already learning to read basic words. She is so smart just like her Dad."

"You are so lucky. My nephew, poor dear, is turning out just like his Mom. I don't know how my sister-in-law manages to get through the day. I never met anyone as stupid as she is."

"Where does she work?"

"She works for the N.I.D."

Both women laughed as third woman walked over to them. She looked like she was about to burst with joy. "Girls, Girls! Guess what?"

"What Ruth?'

"Jimmy, Jimmy finally heard. He is getting a full tuition academic scholarship to Notre Dame."

"Ruth, that is wonderful."

"Oh, there's Peggy. I have to tell Peggy." She left the table as quickly as she came.

"See, her husband is a professor at the University of Colorado. Brains really do run in the family. Either you have a smart family or a dumb family."

Now that last statement really had Jack's attention. "A dumb family." He mumbled to himself as he got up quickly and went to his office.

As soon as he got there, he rifled around in the draw for his address book. He thumbed through it until he got to the "N's - Nylund". He smiled at the book. Those airmen had given him the answer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If they thought he was so smart, just wait until they met his Aunt Rose.

* * *

Hi, Happy New Year!!

I hope someone enjoyed the start.

Teri (01/01/05)


	2. My Aunt

**Playing Dumb  
**_A Stargate: SG-1 / Golden Girls Crossover _  
by Teri

Summary: How many people suspect that Jack is smarter than he lets on? The rest of SG-1 is starting to suspect, too. Well, perhaps people will know for sure once they meet his Aunt Rose from St. Olaf, Minnesota. (Crossover with the Golden Girls.)

Disclaimer: I am not associated with the owners or creators of either Golden Girls or Stargate. I wish I were.

* * *

Playing Dumb  
Part 2

"Sir?" Carter asked as she entered Colonel O'Neill's office. She obviously had something work related to discuss with him.

"Carter, I really don't have time right now. I am heading to the airport."

She finally looked up and noticed that he had his coat on and looked ready to leave the office. "Are you on your way to D.C., Sir?"

"Nope, Boulder International. Just going to pick up my Aunt," he answered as he walked past her knowing that tidbit would make her follow him.

"Aunt? I didn't know you had an Aunt?"

"Ant? We have ants?" Daniel asked as he joined the two officers in the hallway.

"No Daniel, _we_ don't have ants_. I_ have an AUNT."

"An ant? We have one ant, why is that important?"

Jack just stopped walking and looked at Daniel for a moment. Shaking his head, he muttered, "Danny-boy and Aunt Rose are gonna get on like wildfire."

"Aunt Rose?" Carter asked, already smiling at the idea that meeting someone in the Colonel's family could be the clue they all needed to figure out their enigmatic Colonel.

"Sure, my mother's sister. In fact, Aunt Rose is the one who taught me how to ice skate. I think she wanted me to be an Olympicfigure skater rather than getting into hockey."

"So why didn't you?" Daniel asked, apparently genuinely curious.

"What?"

"Ice skate."

"Oh, well the way Aunt Rose taught me to make figure 8's was by first drawing a snow man then erasing the head and arms. Of course, but the time I finished that the judges weren't interested anymore."

Sam and Daniel exchanged odd glances as Jack walked passed them grinning as Operation Dumb Family Tree' was well underway.

* * *

8 - 8 - 8 - 8 - 8 - 8

* * *

Jack arrived at the airport, flashed his ID, and was able to get closer to the gate than others there to pick-up family members.

He found a wall to lean-up against as he watched everyone disembark. A totally mismatched pair of women captured his attention. One was tall well above average, perhaps about as tall as he, and the other was only half the height of the first.

"Pussy-cat," the short one began trying to give puppy dog begging eyes.

"No, you old shrew."

"But, Dorothy,"

"Maaaa!"

"But?"

"Shady Pines, Ma, Shady Pines."

Following the pair, he saw a familiar figure.

"So, that is how they started the Great Herring war."

"Oh, shut-up yo-ou twit," another woman said as she noticed him watching them. She smiled at him, "looks like I've already found me a Colorado flyboy." She walked over to him holding herself in that way that said to all that new her that she was on the hunt. "Hello, I am Blanche Deveraux. "

"Jack O'Neill."

"Are you waiting for your wife or your girlfriend?"

"No, ma'am."

"Well that good then," Blanche grabbed his arm and moved close to him. "We are going to have dinner tonight. Just you and me, we'll have some fun."

Rose looked at the poor man Blanche was hitting-on, recognition turned into a slight gasp and a smile.

Jack turned to his Aunt with a big smile. "Aunt Rosie," he walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

"I hardly recognized you," she said as she affectionately swiped his hair.

"Gotten a little gray."

"Girls," Rose got the other three ladies attention. "I want you to met my nephew."

"Jack," he grinned with his best smile.

"Well, you already met Blanche and this is Dorothy and Sophia." Rose pointed out each of the ladies to her favorite nephew.

"This handsome man is related to you Rose?" Blanche shook her head slightly, "I just don't believe it."

"Aunt Rose," Jack interrupted. "I didn't know you were bringing friends?"

* * *

Hope you liked this short little update.

Thanks,  
Teri  
March 13, 2005

* * *

I have never answered reviews in a story before, but there were several for chapter one that made me want to try it this time. Thank you to all of you who viewed.

Rude's Mom & OffTheGrass: I hadn't originally intended to bring the other girls, but I thought you both had wonderful ideas, which I might steal, so Thanks!

Zeilfanaat: Okay, I will remember that not everyone has seen the show. If you ever get the opportunity, try it out. It is very funny. The general idea is that there are four older woman together sharing a house in Miami Beach. There is Rose -"The Air Head" from St. Olaf, Minnesota, Blanche - "The Slut" from Georgia, Dorothy and her mother Sophia. Sophia is from Sicily as a girl and New York as an adult and she always speaks her mind. I appreciate your confidence that I won't lose you writing a crossover of a story you aren't familiar with.

Ted Sadler: Thank you, as the King of unusual Stargate Crossovers, I appreciate it.

Athenais: Jack sounds like MacGyver? Well, this is probably only my second story where I didn't start out with the premise that he is MacGyver so I better work on that

Jaka: I couldn't agree more.

Witchbsword: I suppose it is an odd combination, but no they are easily two of my favorite shows.

Random Reviewer: THANK YOU!

E-Devay: Actually, I know that St. Olaf is a college, but it is also the fictitious home of Rose in the "Golden Girls." In fact, I always thought it was funny that a town with so many "dumb" stories attached to it got its name from a college. If you have never heard one of Rose's St. Olaf stories you are missing a treat. However, thanks for letting me know.

Cherryblossomjen: Thanks that was my favorite part too. :)

Thank you to: Morrolan, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, dottid, Sarah, Razzbaby, pain in the mikta, jmcqk6, SilverRider, anon, JamSack, Sarahx, Jetsuo RT, Manda, JOSH, SG1Reader, ErinM, & James for your reviews and kind notes. It is greatly appreciated.


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